
 
... And
before we knew what had happened, we'd done just that. Why? We
had no idea what we were going to do with all those black T-shirts,
and frankly, when they're all folded up and stacked, or unfolded
and hung in rows, the office seems full of a subsonic
whispering in a language we can't understand.
When
the second black parcel arrived, we knew we had a problem.
We didn't want to open it.
If
"Pickman, Hobbes, and de Molay, Attorneys at Law" have
a telephone number, they're not listed, meaning that they're the
kind of law firm that doesn't want people to know that they're
there. So it's not like we could call and ask "Why, exactly,
are you sending these malevolent t-shirt designs to us?"
So
we did what anyone would do. We sent the intern.
Riverdance
wouldn't go. She said she'd had her turn already.
So we took on a new intern,
a friend of hers named Foxglove Mountaincloud, and we gave Foxglove
the assignment of going to Arkham, locating the Old Seminary Building,
and having a talk with the law firm who was sending us these T-shirt
designs.
We
put her on a bus.
Don't
look like that: what do you think we are, here, some kind of multinational?
It was a perfectly good bus.
But we haven't
heard from Foxglove since.
And
the parcels... well, they just keep coming.
Our
office is now full of shirts. They're black, mesmerizing, and
restless. As more and more of them pile up in here the sound of
their whispering gets stronger and clearer and we have an idea
that once enough of them are gathered together
we will begin to understand what they're saying. We would really,
really prefer it if that did not happen.
Please
buy these shirts. Please tell your friends to buy these shirts.
Please give these shirts away to strangers. We do not want them.
We especially don't want to have a lot of them stored in the same
place. And they will not let us stop making them.
Sorry,
got to go: there's someone at the door.
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Latest
News

It's
been pretty hectic here at the Saga Shirts office. A couple
of weeks ago, a procession of Santeria practitioners zeroed
in on us, just as a procession of Reformed Druids did the
same thing. Apparently each group had been trying to pinpoint
some metaphysical black hole of unholy proportions, and
they all ended up here, more or less where our stack of
shirts is.
Things might have
gotten ugly. Well. Uglier. But due to some longstanding
theological warfare between the Druids and the Santerians,
we were saved by a street brawl that landed them all in
jail. What a relief!
The bad news is, since that news hit the paper a
bunch of crystal-waving Rosicrucians have been hanging around.
Now we
don’t quarrel with these folks’ right to assemble
and try to exorcize us. Honestly, if any of them could actually
stop these shirts from using their potent
psychic control over us and the neighborhood squirrels,
well, more power to ‘em.
Not sure if we mentioned the squirrels. It’s not pretty.
But anyway, the shirts
just seem to get stirred up when one of these occult vigilante
groups starts trying to return them to the lower depths.
It makes life around the office just a little more interesting
than usual.
You
wouldn’t believe what happened to the paperclips,
for example. Eyes? On office supplies? We’ve
gotten used to a lot of weird goings on, but that was a
showstopper, believe me...
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